Another Victory

"Why do you have to fight with me over everything?" Doug asked his wife.  "Why do you have to contradict me?"

"I don't fight with you all the time," Monique replied.  "And I don't contradict you."

"Well you are driving me crazy.  You sure know how to push my buttons!"

Monique continued polishing her lengthy nails a lovely shade of jade green.  "I do nothing.  You push your own buttons.  You drive yourself crazy."

"Oh....never mind.  I have a really bad headache," Doug mumbled.

"You mean you choose to have a really bad headache."  Monique smiled sweetly.  Picking up a copy of Therapy Today she fanned the hand with damp fingernails.

When Doug left the bedroom for the night she gave a happy sigh.  One more victory.

Ugly Women

Ugly women, let us face it
simply were not formed for love.
Pretty girls, clear-skinned and slender
are a gift from up above.

Brains and heart avail us nothing.
In love Beauty takes the prize.
Wicked men take strapping wenches--
men of virtue use their eyes.

Some men claim their higher minded
looking for sweet Christian girls.
Soul and spirit cannot draw them
like thin legs and glossy curls!

Blessings on your marriage  portion.
Hopeful bridegroom take your wife.
Like a pool so bright and shallow
stagnanting in forest hollow--

drink from it for all your life!

Paranoid

The psychologist looked at the 40-something couple who kept casting meaningful glances at each other.  "So, why are you here?  Marriage problems?"

The woman's eyes met his for once.  "It's my husband.  Tell him, honey."

The husband rubbed his hands together. "My wife thinks that I'm paranoid."

"And what do you think?"  The therapist tapped his ballpoint against his teeth.

"I don't know.  Sometimes I honestly wonder....My wife is a very friendly, outgoing woman.  It's natural for her to have a lot of friends.  But something about a few of these guy pals makes me....suspicious."

Nodding, the therapist made a note or two in his little book.

"He wears me out.  Somehow he doesn't even say anything.  I know he is unreasonably jealous of my friendships with other men."

The therapist made throaty grunting sounds and jotted more down.

"It seems to me that you could both use some one-on-one therapy.  Here's my card.  I'll see you at 2 and 3 pm next Wednesday."

Along with the little card he slipped the woman a note.

Dearest,

We have a way of meeting at last!  Not even your bear of a husband will suspect.